it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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