Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
