When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
