Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
