I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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