Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Randomize
