i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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