White coat. Heels.
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
