My cat gives me a boner
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
my liver is dry heaving
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
