Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
