So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
