He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
