i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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