You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
