No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
