Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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