i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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