so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
