Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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