aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
