this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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