It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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