i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
