do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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