i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
