It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
