Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
