i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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