I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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