I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
