You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
