Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How does it feel to date your dad?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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