oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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