Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
