You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I had to cum in my sink.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
