dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
