Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
