there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
