Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
