This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Shitshow foam night was such a success
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
