She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
