Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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