remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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