oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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