You're so nebulous sometimes
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
