were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
