His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So here I am, sexting at work.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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