i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
