Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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