You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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