the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
